my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
