I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
