"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
