chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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