He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
