My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
