No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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