Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
