she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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