You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
