Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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