I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
