i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
