Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Oh god it's open bar.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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