he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
