I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
