so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
