I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
