Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
