cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
In America we eat man semen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
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