Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
