big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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