you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
