Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
