I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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