I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
