Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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