hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
