Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
