I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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