The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
