I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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