how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
