i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Randomize
