You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
