I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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