Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
