Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
