My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
