i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
