How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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