are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
