with your own penis?
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
