I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
