so that wasnt chicken after all
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
