is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
