I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
