Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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