Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
