The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
