everyone is single if you try hard enough
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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